“Isn’t life boring without emotional turbulence?”
When discussing the benefits of meditation practice, a friend asked this question. He accepted the merit of calming down and feeling peaceful amid a stressful situation. But he didn’t buy into the merit of feeling peaceful as a normal state of being. He argued that life is more colorful when we experience excitement and disappointment from time to time. If we don’t feel emotions, we miss out on all the fun in life.
Standing in his shoes, I can understand his perspective. Yet, I believe this perspective can be limiting. There is a fundamental difference between being emotional and feeling emotions. A well-developed person can control or master his thoughts, emotions and actions. Being emotional is a sign of lacking self-mastery. However, having sensitivity to emotions is a sign of advanced self-mastery.
A person’s ability to master emotions comes in different stages. The initial stage is a stage of unawareness, where mastery of emotions is lacking. There are two expressions of this stage. First expression is explosive. Other people or circumstances can easily trigger our emotions, subsequently controlling our response and our actions. At this stage, we are hotheaded, impulsive and reactive. We make decisions and take actions without considering the long-term consequences. Examples are losing tempers, severing a relationship or saying hurtful words we later regret. The outcome can be disastrous. Irritated, we lash out because situations or other people didn’t behave according to our expectations.
Second expression is repressive. Some of us live in environments where expressing our desires or honest emotions is considered a taboo. Over time, we develop the habit of hiding emotions within. This is like pressing and hiding a beach ball under water, which requires energy. Examples include being mistreated, wrongly accused, or unappreciated for our contributions. When oppressed emotions – resentment, sadness, anger or guilt–become energy accumulated and stored in our body over time. Such energy can eventually cause various diseases, including strokes, heart attacks and cancer.
Physical illness is only one potential consequence. The other is our tendency to attract people likely to trigger the same emotions. For instance, if we frequently feel like victims because other people crossed our boundaries, we will attract more people and situations that trigger the same emotions until we recognize the pattern and begin the purging and healing process.
The next stage is the stage of awareness. We are aware of our emotional patterns and make conscious efforts to correct what doesn’t serve us. We take ownership of our thoughts, emotions and actions, and choose to build a pattern aligned with our values or intentions. We do so through self-observation and consciously choose our responses instead of operating on autopilot. This is what self-development is all about.
The last stage is again a stage of unawareness. But it is different from the initial stage of unawareness. The initial unaware was mindless unaware, but the last stage is mindful or intentional unaware. At this stage, we have already cultivated inner peace and emotional stability. External circumstances cannot easily influence us. Whether raining or sunny, whether the stock market is bull or bear, whether other people praise or accuse us, we remain peaceful and joyful within.
What’s the benefit of emotional stability? Inner power. When lack of this power, we are like falling leaves, flying away along with the wind. When having this power, we are like big trees, standing grounded regardless of the wind’s strength and direction. Unlike emotional people, who drain their energy with each emotional reaction, emotionally stable people preserve and direct their energy on pursuing personal goals and self-growth. Powerless people are shaped by circumstances, while powerful people shape their circumstances.
This doesn’t imply that having emotions is a burden. On the contrary, emotion is an energy and a language for communicating with the invisible world. It transmits messages from the body, mind and spirit. We sense their conditions through feelings or emotions. About 95% of the world’s information transmits through emotional energy, and verbal or written languages transmit only 5%. Mastering emotions gives us the ability to master our lives.
People in the last stage are far more aware of emotions than those in the previous two stages. They are highly sensitive and can sense other people’s emotions before the person in question can sense it herself. The reason they can sense emotions around them is that they are not distracted by impulsive or oppressed emotions. Their emotional channel is clear of clutter, characterized by peace and joy. This allows them to easily connect with their hearts and intuition. Similar to the big tree, it is fully aware of the wind’s existence, but doesn’t react to it like the leaf does.
How do we recognize people with mindful unawareness? They are calm, joyful, sensitive and empathetic. They show up mature and grounded. They enjoy simple moments of pleasure – the beauty of blooming flowers on roadside and small acts of kindness. They can sense other people’s struggle and pain with understanding, tolarance and support. They notice subtle signs of energetic movement in their surroundings and foresee events not yet happened. They proactively focus on solutions instead of passively react to problems. As for emotional turbulence that seems to bring excitment and fun, they are not easily impressive, because they have already experienced deeper and sustainable happiness that only comes from within.
Now, you know the difference between feeling emotions and being emotional, which do you prefer?