Fear is the umbrella term for most unpleasant human emotions. Anxiety, shame, anger, doubt, attachment, greed, lack and low self-esteem are all different variations of fear. Although, fear has its own benefit under certain situations, most of the time, decisions made with fear are the wrong decisions. While in fear, we become aggressive, defensive, close-minded or powerless. When in love, we are clam, curious, confident, hopeful and open to opportunities. Unfortunately, feeling fear is many people’s normal state of mind. But this doesn’t need to be so. In this article, we will talk about the root cause of fear. By understanding this, followed with persistent practice, we can become the master of our mind instead of letting fear control it.
There are infinite publications and videos on the internet talking about how to overcome fear. Some tell us to be strong and face fear directly in the eyes, but this requires will power which all of us only have limited supply. Others offer useful tools and methods. If we only focus on tools and methods to overcome fear, it is similar to cutting weeds without removing the roots.
What are the roots of fear?
Many people have heard of the statement – thoughts create reality. Few people know how absolutely powerful this statement is. Thoughts can be the roots of the most inspiring creations, as well as the roots of total disasters. Any moment we can be in heaven or in hell by choosing thoughts – either positive or negative thoughts. Fear comes from negative or sabotaging thoughts. Quality of life is the manifestation of accumulative thoughts we choose. If we can choose thoughts consciously, we can be the master of our mind, and determine our destiny.
“Isn’t fear an emotion?” Some people may ask. Yes, it is. It is an emotion triggered by thoughts, including memories. All emotions are triggered by thoughts. However, not all thoughts come from the head or the conscious mind. We will elaborate this later. Once understand the fact that all emotions are triggered by thoughts, we can regulate emotions by deliberately choose thoughts that benefit us. Take the example of someone who scored 95% on an exam. Many people would be ecstatic about this achievement, but some people will only focus on that 5% of imperfection. “Darn, if I had been more careful, I could have scored 100% on the exam.” Following this thought is merciless self-criticism. The next thought is “I am not good enough”. If we behave this self-talk regularly, it becomes an automatic pattern. And this pattern will shape self-identity. As we act on that self-identity of “I am not good enough”, it becomes our reality – a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What if that 5% of imperfection resulted in a loss? Yes, that is possible. But consider this: will self-critism change the exam score and make it 100%? Most likely not. We cannot change the past, but we have plenty of opportunities to create the future. The question is where do we want to invest the energy? Into the past that we cannot change or the future that is up to us to create? Every bit of energy invested in pointless rumination means less energy is left to create the future we desire. Likewise, energy invested in blaming others instead of contemplating lessons we could learn from the experience and how to do better the next time, is energy wasted.
How we feel in most situations is not caused by the situation itself, but how we respond to it. In almost any situation, there will always be people who are optimistic and can see silver lining in rocky times. Yet, there are always people who can find fault in perfection. Why do people have such unhealthy or negative thought patterns? It starts from the environment, enforced by our own untrained mind. Since birth, our thought patterns are programmed by environment – parents, teachers, friends and authorities. Nowadays, our mind is shaped by past experience and ideas we accept as truth, including misinformation from the internet. Those ideas, filtered and unfiltered, after many repetitions get internalized and become beliefs or thought patterns.
Every human being has two minds: a conscious mind and a subconscious mind. Approximately 5% of human thoughts are active in the conscious mind and 95% are stored in the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is responsible for making proactive or conscious decisions. The subconscious mind is a pre-programmed mind, capable of responding to situations on autopilot. For example, when talking to a friend while driving, the conscious mind is engaged in the conversation, and the subconscious mind is responsible for driving, especially when driving on a familiar road that requires no navigation. Naturally, if there are unexpected situations on the road, the driver could be slow to respond because his conscious mind is pre-occupied by the conversation.
Pre-programmed subconscious mind can be particularly useful in life. For example, brushing teeth, holding a coffee cup, and putting on clothes. These tasks require no effort for us, but takes a small child a lot of energy to complete. As a rule of thumb, unfamiliar activities outside of comfort zone require the participation of conscious mind, therefore, a lot of energy. To a great extent, using the subconscious mind is an energy saver. The downside is many of the thoughts, ideas or patterns stored in the subconscious mind no longer serve us. They are either limiting or outdated. And they drain most of our energy.
For instance, when you were a child, you broke an expensive plate. Your mother got angry. As a punishment, she forbid you from going to your grandmother’s house that weekend, something you had anticipated with great excitement. Then, the thought “when I make a mistake, I will be punished” gets stored in your subconscious mind. Every time you make a mistake, your body cringes with fear. This pattern gets repeated throughout your life. What you don’t realize is this: you are no longer a child and it is up to you to decide if you can go to grandmother’s house or to participate in activities you desire. You are the master of your life. If you break a plate, you can buy a new one. If you make mistakes, you take responsibility for amending the situation. There is no punishment. It is up to you to reprogram your mind.
In the upcoming Understanding Fear (2/4), we will further explore when and where those thoughts come from.