Once upon a time, two good friends, a poet and a monk, regularly sat together drinking tea and discussing philosophy. This poet, somewhat egotistical, frequently transformed peaceful discussions into competitive debates. However, the calm and grounded monk, although didn’t try, won those debates most of the time with his deep wisdom.
One day, the poet tried to provoke his monk friend again to see who would win the debate. He asked the monk: “What do you see in me?” The monk replied: “I see a Buddha in you.” Then, the monk asked: “What do you see in me?” Looking at the monk wrapped in a dark brown robe with his legs crossed on a mat, the poet replied: “I see a pile of shit.” The monk simply smiled and said nothing. Satisfied, the poet took the silence as a sign of admitting defeat.
Once arrived home, the poet, excited about his moment of triumph, couldn’t wait to share it with his sister who was also a poet. After hearing it, she couldn’t stop laughing. Once collected herself, she explained: “Do you know the Universal Truth that Buddhism teaches? The outside world is only a projection of the inner world. What we see externally reflects our internal quality. The monk sees a Buddha in you, because he has Buddha’s quality in him. Therefore, he sees everything from a Buddha’s perspective, full of compassion. You see a pile of shit in him, because you have that quality in you. The moment you call him a pile of shit, you have already lost the argument.”
This story illustrates a classic mistake most of us make because we are unaware of the Universal Truth. In the physical world, all objects are seperate. If we see a table, it is a table, seperate from ourselves. However, in the non-physical world where thoughts exist, and everything is energy, the logic is the opposite. We are all connected as part of Oneness, there is no other but an extension of ourselves. What we “see” is a projection of ourselves. We can recognize our own qualities based on what we “see” or emotionally resonate with others. For this reason, here is an important Universal Truth to keep in mind: We are not what we think we are, we are not what others think we are, we are what we think others are.
This is not to say if we see a thief, then we are thieves ourselves or if we see someone irresponsible, then we are irresponsible ourselves. When unbiased, calm and grounded, we see the truth. But if a specific behavior or event emotionally triggers us, it can indicate an emotional resonance. What does this mean? It can have multiple implications, both positive and negative.
On the positive side, this emotional resonance can lead us to discover our life mission. For example, a drunk driver killed Candace Lightner’s daughter, when drunk driving wasn’t illegal. Driven by the desire to prevent similar tragedies in the future, she went on a mission to change the reality by creating the Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) organization. The organization subsequently changed the legislation on drunk driving and offered education and resources to prevent drunk driving in multiple countries. Deep emotional resonance triggered her interest in this subject. Similarly, many people who experienced poverty in their childhood, once they become wealthy, they dedicate their lives to help the poor and the vulnerable. These are examples of turning our own struggle into motivation for positive social changes.
On the negative side, emotional resonance can expose our own shadows. What we resist the most is where we need to heal and grow the most. We often expose such shadow by projecting it onto others. We do this in two ways. Either we accuse others of qualities we dislike about ourselves or what we want but currently lack in ourselves. For example, calling others arrogant when we actually admire their self-confidence. Instead of looking inward to raise self-awareness, we project onto others and blame others as “a pile of shit”.
Here are a few real-world examples to iilustrate. There are 3 special members in a specific team – A, B, and C. In the very first team meeting, out of blue, Member A announced: “The people I dislike the most are those who promise to do something but don’t follow up with actions.” In the following months, the team discovered the most noticeable pattern about member A is he makes promises but doesn’t deliver.
Member B accused another colleague as “narcissistic, because she thinks she is perfect and better than everyone else.” Over the following months, the team couldn’t identify those characters in that colleague. Instead, they found something interesting about Member B. like the poet, Member B had a strong tendency to be right and to feel superior. If other colleagues announce: let’s make sure we arrive at the meeting on time tomorrow or let’s make sure we do our best the next month, Member B is likely to take it personally as if someone attacked him. He would argue, I always come on-time, have I not done my best? What Member B doesn’t recognize is his own “narcissistic” tendency — always try to draw attention to himself and make himself appear to be perfect.
Member C did not perform according to her job description. Although the team leader reminded her and offered to support, there was no response nor improvement. When the team leader reminded her again, Member C shifted the blamed on the team leader instead of reflecting on her own performance: “You think I am not qualified to do this job.” The team leader was taken by surprise. He only tried to help improve Member C’s performance, never questioned her qualification for the job. Like the previous two members, Member C projected her self-assessment onto the team leader.
These examples showed us how the human mind works. As a principle, the outside world simply serves as a mirror. If dislike what we see in the mirror, we can improve the reflection by changing ourselves instead of blaming the mirror or others. When we want to judge, blame or criticize others, we could pause and reflect, turn it into a learning opportunity to increase self-awareness. Ultimately, as part of Oneness, what we give out always comes back to us. Let’s choose intentionally and be mindful about what we share with the world.